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He knew that his current path was not leading him in the right direction, and he was very upset about it. I helped him with conversational skills, assertiveness skills, and with building self-esteem and confidence. Nevertheless, within three years he became president of a fraternity, had all the dates he wanted, had lots of friends, and had changed his major to one requiring a high level of interpersonal skills.He used individual counseling, an assertion training group, and self-help books. More importantly, he was much happier with himself and his life. Most people I see don't start at such a low level and only want or need much less help.I have counseled with and taught these skills to hundreds of people seeking ways of becoming more outgoing and assertive, more confident, and more able to develop close relationships with others-especially others in romantic situations.

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Those positive contacts increase the chances that your partner will value you and feel closer to you.

Compare your degree of attachment/liking/closeness to a situation where all 10 contacts with the other person have left you feeling very unhappy.

Similarly, how do you feel about someone who usually greets you with a smile and positive comment versus someone who usually is critical or negative toward you?

Following are some general causes that research has shown to be important.1. There may be many people "out there" who you could be good friends with or could be happily married to. They live in another city or a block away, and you never meet them.

Or, one person could be unavailable because he/she is already in a committed relationship.

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